One day at a party a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend. He was crying so some people were in a circle to comfort him and I was next to him. While he was talking, he sometimes grabbed my ass but I didn't say anything because it just felt uncomfortable to expose him like that in that moment and also I was a little bit drunk so I let it happen.
Then he went to the bathroom to cry or something so I followed him because we were close friends and I wanted to talk to him to see if I could help. There we talked about how he felt and finally we hugged, but then he slid his hands down and told me to suck his dick. In that moment I had not even had my first kiss and I was not attracted to him so I refused. After telling him that, he was on the door and it was locked so I felt that I couldn't go out until he moved. I don't know how or when but we started to kiss and suddenly we stopped and he said that it “was my turn,” referring that he only kissed me like a way to “pay” for the part that I had to do. I was so drunk and I felt so obligated to do it, so I went down and started but in my mind I knew that I didn't want to do that. It was like I was watching outside my body and I couldn't do anything to stop it.
Later I went to my house with some friends and we talked about what happened but I told another story with more consent on my part, and the next day when they left I felt empty and started to cry but I didn't know why I felt like that. Then the next months were really bad because I felt like shit; I protected him in my mind, I didn't realize the abuse, I started to drink a lot of alcohol and some days, I hyper-sexualize myself. I feel a lot of shame when I remember that moment and I have to see him as my classmate and also my friend everyday. It took a lot of time to see that what happened that night wasn't right and I still have nightmares about it sometimes.