I was 5, I was 6, then I was 7. He was like a grandpa to me.
I remember we were very religious at the time, going to church, having daily and nightly prayers, and reading the bible. My parents had split up and that when he started living with us. He did this thing where he would take us in a room so we could pray to god and that's when it would happen. I remember crying whenever my mom said it was time and wanting to scream whenever he would lock the door behind us so no one would interrupt. Although I was young I still remember most the details like how I would freeze and stay in shock every time it happened and have tears streaming down my face.
When I was praying to god the devil was in the room with me.
I had forgotten about what happened and 7 years passed by and one day in my dreams it was like I was reliving it and when I woke up I remembered everything. I remember waking up crying and disliking myself and it felt like he was still touching me and every night I went to sleep I had nightmares and I would see his face. I didn't know what to do or who to open up to when one day it just ate me up and I told 5 of my friends and they were so supportive and they were there for me and it gave me strength. I didn't open up about it to my family until this year. Valentines day of 2020 I went to lunch with my oldest sister and as we were talking about our childhood I broke down, she took me to her car and I told her and that's when she told me he did it to her too and we just sat there in the car holding each other and since then we have been supporting each other and hugging ever time we see each other and I had never felt so close to her.
I've always wanted to tell my mom but to my mom he was everything. She had no Family and looked up to him and trusted him and believed in him so much that I was scared to tell her the truth about him and I still am.
For months I pushed away the fact that it happened to me but now i'm learning to accept it. I still see his face in my dreams and feel his touch, I still see my self as dirty and I still feel ashamed but it wasn't my fault. day by day I've been taking care of myself and trying to find the beauty I once saw in myself because Although he took my childhood I have my whole life ahead of me and I will keep fighting.