This New Years it will mark 6 years since I was raped. That night forced me to change as a person. I am proud of my newfound strength but it will always feel like a strength that was forced upon me. It was a survivor choice to create strength, not mine. I hate that the day this happened to me is a day everyone celebrates. I’ve tried to change the narrative and take back the day for myself, but it’s never worked. No matter what I’m doing to change the meaning of the day, I am still reminded of what he did to me. Although this really sucked to go through, there are positive takeaways I have from it.
First, this organization is powerful and has helped me the entire time. I even got a tattoo that references Honey. Second, I am so glad I have the understanding on how to support others that have been through similar experiences. Most of all I am grateful for my therapist and support system for walking with me through it all. I can stand tall again because of the safe place my support system has given me.
I wouldn’t say time heals all wounds. I don’t think I want this wound to ever heal, because it’s not okay it happened to me. Though I have forgiveness and peace in my heart, a part of me wants this wound to sting as a reminder to fight for others and fight for myself.