I am shaking as I try to type this for the hundredth time. It has been almost 2 years since I was last raped. I still can’t fall asleep without locking my bedroom door. I still cry in the shower. I still don’t feel safe. But I believe there is healing in reading the stories of others, even more so in sharing your own.
I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years with a man I refused to leave. Some may say that what happened to me was my fault. I had every opportunity to leave, and chose not to. It’s because of this logic that I have spent more time hating myself than him.
I was manipulated into believing that what was happening to me wasn’t rape. It wasn’t until months after I left him and the manipulation stopped that I began to realize something was very wrong. After sharing this with someone extremely close to me, and having them completely brush it off, I told myself I would never open up about it again. This has only made the healing process more difficult.
I fear running into him everywhere I go, leading me to believe this is something I will never be able to recover from until I move out of my hometown. I fear that because I didn’t know I was raped, and because I didn’t report, it will be entirely my fault when he assaults women after me. I live everyday carrying around the weight, not knowing how to put it down. I hope this is where healing begins.
Since discovering Honey in 2015, I have read every truth. Every single one. To all the brave women and men who’ve shared before me, thank you for giving me this courage. Honey believed me when no one else did.