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I have struggled with this lingering thought for a long time, "was I molested?" I have no clear memories of my childhood in fact I don't remember much of anything before the age of 14. I have no exact moment, memory, name, or place but the side effects are very much there. Panic attacks, an overall distrust of men, and irrational and over the top fear of anything to do with people examining me. It wasn't until I had my first Gynecologist visit that the thought solidified. I WAS TERRIFIED laying on that table and it didn't matter how nice the doctor was or how well she explained it or how routine this was, for me it felt like rape no matter how much I tried to talk myself through it. I had an absolute break down when I got home, emotionally I just wasn't ready for that kind of appointment because there were lingering fears and repressed memories that needed to be addressed that I didn't even know were there. It took till I was 24 to come to grips with the fact that something happened to me when I was young. I confided in my older sister thank God she didn't accuse me of lying. We cried, she confided in me, and we cried some more. Hopefully this is the beginning of the path to healing for both of us.

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